Wellbeing Corner

Tag: wellbeing

  • 5 tips to help you cope when living with a narcissist

    How I found out about the word narcissist

    I first heard the term narcissist about 5 years ago. I had just met up with an acquaintance who was going through a breakup. After she described her partner’s behaviour, she concluded by saying, “basically he is a narcissist.” I said I would pray for her and that she should seek the Lord and build a relationship with Jesus Christ because He is the only one who can truly help us get through emotional stress. After that we hugged and said goodbye.

    When I arrived home, I was wondering what a narcissist was so as you do, I googled it. I was so surprised to find that I was living with a narcissist. Yes, I thought, I finally have a word for a certain someone’s behaviour which for years I couldn’t understand. There are different types of narcissism but today I’m covering general narcissism.

    What is a narcissist?

    A narcissist is a person who is extremely self – centred, only concerned with his or her own needs above anyone else’s. A narcissist thinks the world revolves around them, if you dare to disagree with one, there is likely going to be an explosion of arguments. Narcissists are manipulative, have no empathy, are good at gas lighting, intimidating, threatening and are emotionally abusive. It’s important to note that a narcissist can also have sensitive traits which makes it a very complex situation to deal with. They can appear to be loving and kind which can be very confusing and exhausting. However, now that I come to think of it, narcissists usually portray these characteristics when he or she wants something.

    “Narcissistic personality disorder is complicated and nuanced. It is defined as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (sense of superiority in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and occurring in a variety of contexts (Weinberg & Ronningstam, 2022).”

    Characteristics of a Narcissist 

    Not everyone has the luxury of moving away from a narcissist so here are some tips  you can implement to protect your mental well-being and create a better environment at home. 

    1. Get familiar with what a narcissist is

    Prior to knowing what a narcissist is, I was confused about why this person in my life behaved this way. I tried numerous ways to help him but sadly all were in vain. This result made me feel emotionally drained and overwhelmed because I didn’t know what I was dealing with, but thank God that now I know that it’s a person who has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Once you fully understand narcissism, you will be able to identify certain traits and know the terms to use when expressing yourself in a conversation with a narcissist. You will feel more empowered, less overwhelmed and less drained because you know what to expect and how to respond to it. 

    1. Don’t React, Respond Instead

    I learned this from a book I was reading about love and respect in the family. When you’re talking to a narcissist try not to react, what do I mean by this. For example; he or she can try to get a reaction from you by saying hurtful things to you, it could be commenting on your choice of outfit, your hairstyle or it could be a comment like “I’m smarter than you because I’m a man.” Whatever the comment, try to respond by saying something like; ‘that’s not a very nice thing to say as opposed to reacting saying, ‘how dare you speak to me that way, you’re not cleverer than me.

    You can’t reason with a narcissist, I quickly learned that the narcissist I live with loves getting a reaction from me because it means that I’m no better than him if I react in a disgraceful way by getting angry or shouting. This makes him happy because then he can justify his superiority, if his actions cause you pain and anger, he wins! So don’t fall for this trap, you can slowly lose your character if you try to argue with a narcissist. Truth be told, after living with a narcissist I have to take steps daily to ensure that I’m not behaving like a narcissist because like the good old Bible verse reads in;

    1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.”  

    1. Recognise Gaslighting Behaviours 

    An example of this can be a narcissist refusing to acknowledge that there is a problem, for example, you bring up an issue that has been bothering you. The narcissist pretends not to understand what you’re saying, acts confused by what you mean despite knowing exactly what you’re talking about. This can be referred to as intellectual dishonesty. They do this to make you doubt yourself and feel stupid by deliberately expressing their lack of understanding, using facial expressions that seem like they are indeed confused by what you’re saying. I recently learned that narcissists do this so that you don’t bring up the issue again. If you care about someone when a problem arises, naturally you would want to resolve it by talking it through, understanding what went wrong, and taking steps to ensure that you don’t make the same mistake again. Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their actions and always blame others for their shortcomings which usually means they will show their true colours sooner rather than later. Thus, it can be beneficial to learn how to respond to a narcissist especially if you’re stuck living with them. 

    1. Be careful how much information you disclose 

    A narcissist can use any information you share with them especially if it’s personal to you. If you share your private or confidential information, a narcissist is likely to use that information against you. For example, you might say “I’m disappointed that my sister was speaking ill of my Mum, she really has no reason to.” The next time you have a conversation about your sister the narcissist might say something negative about your sister and when you ask him or her not to, they will likely respond with a snarky comment like; “what do you care, you don’t like your sister anyway!” or even worse say it in front of your sister. Even if you have never said that you don’t like your sister and only made the above comment. 

    “Emotion for a narcissist equates to fuel. They want to hear you getting irritated. They want  you to get annoyed. They want your voice to rise and see the tears of frustration welling in your eyes. When they see this, it makes them feel so powerful.” Quote taken from Google Images, Author Unknown.

    Please bear in mind that when you have an issue with what someone said it’s better to talk it out with that person. However, it’s perfectly natural to want to speak to someone who is supposed to be your best friend about things that concern you. Therefore, when a narcissist abuses that trust, it’s a lesson learned. Pay attention to how a narcissist speaks of others and know what makes them thrive. Once you know, be careful not to engage in conversations that will feed the wickedness in their soul. I have learned which topics encourage the narcissist to have their flame sparked, it could be as simple as telling them that you went to visit a friend. A narcissist can easily turn the conversation into a verbal attack on your friend saying things like “let me guess, she was talking nonsense thinking she is better than everyone else, her husband doesn’t deserve the money he has, his parents worked for that, he hasn’t done anything (despite the man working hard everyday going to work for the family business). Of course narcissists will say different things depending on the context, these examples are a snippet of what I have experienced. 

    1. Set boundaries

    When you finally realise what you’re dealing with, to preserve your own sanity, put boundaries in place. Think about what is likely to work for your situation. I would suggest writing your thoughts down. I often find that when speaking with a narcissist you can easily lose your trail of thought because they intentionally want to throw you off so that you second guess yourself. I read somewhere that some people implement strategies that limit contact with the narcissist. Some people decide to have a “no-contact” approach or use a low-contact approach. In my experience it’s worked marvellously because I feel safer. When explaining these ground rules, try to be clear, concise and polite when speaking to a narcissist for your own safety, you don’t want to poke the bear.  

    Bonus tip

    Pray about your situation. The Lord Jesus will definitely help you, He doesn’t always help in the way we want or expect, He is God after all so it’s His will that we should seek after. But He loves us so much that whatever He allows is for our own good whether we understand it or not. He does give us strength while going through tough times so we’re never alone.

    Joshua 1:9 “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” KJV.  

    A side note is that we normally get ourselves into troubled times if we do things that don’t align with God’s plan. In my situation, the narcissist in my life is here because I never listened to God. Instead I went after what I thought was what I needed, at the time my prayers were just requests of what I wanted, I never prayed for wisdom from God or asked what God wanted for my life. Of course this doesn’t mean that Christians don’t go through hard times , we do. As a parent I give my daughter consequences when she hasn’t behaved well, my Mum did the same, therefore, God’s structure works in a similar way, we are His children so he chastises us when we need it but it’s all done in love, just like we as parents discipline children. 

    Hebrews 12:6 “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourageth every son whom he receiveth.” KJV. 

    Disclaimer; This blog post is based on my own experiences and some research papers I have read. Please remember that despite some of the information above stating that you can implement, please consult your Doctor before implementing anything discussed here.

    References

    https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/what-is-narcissistic-personality-disorder#:~:text=Many%20people%20may%20be%20familiar,more%20severe%2C%20persistent%20and%20problematic.

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556001/#:~:text=Narcissistic%20personality%20disorder%20(NPD)%20is,psychiatric%20and%20substance%20use%20disorders.

    https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901

    https://www.choosingtherapy.com/living-with-a-narcissist/

    Matthew SBG https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xf9fJQX7RkA

  • Natural Methods to Get Rid of Headaches

    We have all experienced a headache at least once in our lives. Headaches can be frustrating and painful. Knowing which natural methods can alleviate the pain may prove useful especially if you’re trying to avoid over the counter medicine. More and more people are coming to the realisation that the conventional pills come with unwanted side effects but most people feel that they don’t have any other options thus, they suffer daily.

    There are numerous reasons why headaches occur;

    1. Lack of sleep
    2. Dehydration
    3. Stress
    4. Household air quality
    5. Low Iron

    Whatever the reason, if you’re experiencing a headache, you want to get rid of it as quickly as possible. Here is a list of what can help. The only thing that I have used on the list is number 1 thus, I can’t vouch for the rest but research has shown that these natural ingredients can help. But before I delve into the list of natural ingredients and other solutions, let me explain the different types of headaches.

    1. A tension headache or stress headache is the most common type. It affects any part of the head but usually starts from the back of the head diverging to the neck, the eyes and other muscles and can be painful on both sides of the head.
    2. A migraine typically causes throbbing in one area of the head, some people also experience light and sound sensitivity and in some cases nausea. According to the American Migraine Foundation, migraines are more common in women than in men.
    3. Cluster headaches are severe but rare. This type of headache causes short one-sided pain in bouts which tend to recur over weeks or months.
    4. Rebound headache also known as medication overuse headache (MOH), is caused by the consistent use of medication treatment for migraines or headaches. Whether it’s over the counter medication or prescription, consuming too much of it can be problematic.

    Remedies that can help relieve headaches

    1. Cloves are normally used to treat toothaches but they can be made into a cup of tea to relieve headaches. Cloves calm nerves thus, can be very beneficial in alleviating headaches. I have also read that using one or two tiny drops of clove oil can be mixed with coconut oil or almond oil to apply the forehead to relieve pain.
    2. Garlic can be used to relieve headaches regardless of which type you’re suffering from. The remedy is pretty easy: rinse the garlic, remove the outer layer, crush it, research suggests to boil the garlic but I would prefer to simmer it gently. This makes a garlic “tea”which can be sipped slowly to alleviate the pain.
    3. Ginger can be added to meals or made into a tea. It can also be used in powder form. A study in 2014 tested patients that suffered with migraines were separated into two groups; the 1st group took ginger powder the 2nd group took sumatriptan. The conclusion was that both groups had the same relief, however, it was noted that the patients who took ginger fared better, with less side effects. This is an interesting study to read because it clearly highlights the benefit of natural remedies in comparison to over the counter medicine. There is a link in the reference list below to the particular study if you would like to read further.
    4. Vitamin B2 or Riboflavin can be used for migraine prevention. According to The American Headache Society, it is possible that there is mitochondrial dysfunction in the brains of people who suffer from migraines frequently. B2 can regulate the imbalance. Magnesium and Coenzyme Q10 also known as CoQ10 can decrease the occurrence of migraines.
    5. If it’s low iron that’s causing your headaches, pure liquid iron can help. I have two examples to share.

    Example 1

    A much older friend of mine was prescribed strong iron supplements by her GP (Doctor). After she had taken the supplements for a while, the Doctor changed her prescription to a cheaper less stronger version which she didn’t want. I told her about the liquid iron supplements I take and why I stopped taking the prescribed iron. She decided to give it a try, it’s been over 5 years since she started taking the liquid iron. Needless to say she is more than happy with the pure liquid iron which she only needs to take once per day as opposed to taking the prescription supplements three times a day.

    Example 2

    I took my daughter to the paediatrician many years ago when she was about 6 years old. We were vegan at the time (not anymore). Her blood test results showed that her iron levels were low, I wasn’t surprised because I had low iron levels despite being on a carnivorous diet for a very long time. I informed the paediatrician that I didn’t want to give my daughter the prescribed iron supplements because they had unnecessary ingredients. I told her which liquid iron I was taking, she checked it online and was happy with it. She recommended the dosage to give using the liquid iron I was already using.

    Dehydration, Lack of Sleep and Stress

    Stay hydrated: Water consumption is ignored by a lot of us. Water is said to be the only liquid that cleans the blood. There is little to no evidence of juices and teas cleaning the blood. Kidneys use water to filter waste from the blood which is a very important function that removes toxins from the body through urine. A human body consists of 60 – 75% water depending on age and other factors such as body composition, thus, we should be drinking more of it.

    Sleep deprivation: If it’s lack of sleep that’s causing your headaches, it’s a pretty straight forward solution. Most people don’t seem to prioritise sleep or if you’re like me, you try to prioritise sleep but there is always something else to do before bedtime which can lead to sleepless nights. Is it worth feeling tired the next morning?I suppose it depends on why you’re staying up late but the likely answer is No!

    Most times when someone goes to bed late it affects their entire day and if it’s not fixed, it can become an unbreakable cycle which isn’t fun for you or your family. Sleep doesn’t sound like something we should think about setting a time for, we set a time for children but what about for us? It may sound silly but having a set time for bedtime really does help. Try and keep your phone away from your bedside table. Some people leave their phones downstairs while they sleep upstairs which is a very good idea but that might not be convenient for everyone. We’re so attached to our phones that the idea of leaving it downstairs could cause a restless night.

    I hope you have found this blog post helpful. I think it’s the longest post I have written so far.

    References

    https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23657930/#:~:text=Efficacy%20of%20ginger%20powder%20and,to%20continue%20did%20not%20differ.

    https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7133498/

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tension_headache

    http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a32252572/how-to-get-rid-headache-naturally/

  • 5 Ingredients to Look for Before Buying Supplements

    I was speaking to my mother a couple of weeks ago. She is currently experiencing terrible back pain. As our phone conversation progressed she shared how she wants to use natural remedies for her ailments. The reason she wants to use natural treatments is because she is experiencing some side effects from pharmaceutical pain relief. I mentioned that she should try and avoid fillers, binders and other potentially toxic ingredients that can be found in many of the supplements.

    My daughter was in the room as we were having this conversation and while my Mum was listing which supplements she is taking, my daughter was to my surprise researching the ingredients of the supplements that her Grandma/Nana is taking. She whispered to me saying, the ingredients are terrible and can cause dangerous side effects or something along those lines. Anyway to cut a long story short, I informed my Mum of my daughter’s findings. My Mum quickly asked if her granddaughter could check if her other supplements had bad ingredients, it turned out that none of the supplements had clean ingredients.

    The next day, I asked my daughter if she had any ideas of which blog post I could write. She came up with the title of this blog and three of the ingredients to watch out for. I’m thankful that she did because lately I haven’t had time to think about topics or to write a blog. However, after seeing how much effort my daughter puts into researching various health topics, I was encouraged to get back to writing despite my busy schedule.

     Without further ado, here is the list;

    1. EDTA is mainly synthesised from ethylenediamine (1,2-diaminoethane), formaldehyde, and sodium cyanide. The fact that EDTA is synthesised from formaldehyde is enough to avoid anything containing it. Formaldehyde can cause cancer in humans, thus, it should be avoided. 
    1. Hydroxypropyl methyl cellulose or (HPMC; CAS No. 9004-65-3) is a synthetic version of the natural polymer cellulose. It is an odourless and tasteless powder. It is used by food manufacturers in food production as well as making capsule shells in vitamin production. HPMC is approved by FDA as both a direct and an indirect food additive, and is approved for use as a food additive by the EU. Despite its approval, the EU food watchdogs state that HPMC have side effects that cause disruption in the intestine by altering the bacteria in the gut. This could lead to chronic intestinal inflammation as well as increase blood sugar levels as a result of taking HPMC.
    1. Silicon dioxide, silica or E551 is made when silicon and oxygen are combined. There are two known forms of silica: crystalline and amorphous silica. The latter was used in a study discussed by European Food Safety Authority (EFSA) The studies examined the food additive E551 which showed results  that indicated the presence of nanoparticles. EFSA concluded that silica nanoparticles in food can be a concern due to lack of long-term studies. Basically nanoparticles can be bad news because they have the potential to be clumped together inside one’s body which can be detrimental.
    1. Titanium dioxide occurs naturally but that doesn’t mean that it’s safe. Studies have shown that it is a carcinogen and may cause DNA damage. For this reason the European Union has banned manufacturers from using it in food production. Despite the EU banning it, England and Wales are still currently authorising its use in food supplements, baked goods, sandwich spreads, medicines, cosmetics, soups, sauces etc. This sparked my interest because we live in England and sometimes when I pick up a product it states NOT FOR EU, I always wondered why, I think now I know why. I will do more research on this because this includes some organic products that we buy, which in my view should have natural good ingredients. Anyway, back to the main topic. It is also worth mentioning that some manufacturers use titanium dioxide in nanoparticle form which as mentioned above can cause health issues.
    1. Ferrous fumarate Iron is essential for oxygen transport, cell growth and survival. So I think it’s safe to say taking the right kind of supplement is important. The side effects for ferrous fumarate are stomach discomfort, losing appetite, abdominal pain and constipation which is likely caused by iron-induced oxidative stress which happens in the gut, this is stated by a study reviewed by Science Direct. I think it’s always worth knowing side effects of supplements, this can help with figuring out the root causes of certain symptoms. I took iron supplements prescribed by my doctor in my early twenties until my mid twenties. After the birth of my daughter, I discovered pure liquid iron from a very good company. It is a great substitute to the prescribed iron treatment which I took 3 times a day for a very long time to no avail. It’s also worth remembering that certain foods and drinks can affect iron absorption, such as tea, coffee and dairy products. 

    Of course each person is different so what works for me might not work for you. Please speak to your Doctor before switching or stopping any vitamins. This blog post is written to make people aware of what some of these ingredients can do to the body. Thankfully there are supplements that have clean ingredients. It might be worth contacting companies and asking them to consider manufacturing better quality vitamins.

    I hope you feel encouraged by the quotes below;

    “A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.” – Irish proverb

    “It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.” – Charles Spurgeon

    References:

    https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17723258/

    https://efsa.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.2903/j.efsa.2018.5088

    https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/ferrous-fumarate/who-can-and-cannot-take-ferrous-fumarate/

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethylenediaminetetraacetic_acid#:~:text=oral%20dosing%20studies.-,Synthesis,%2C%20formaldehyde%2C%20and%20sodium%20cyanide.

    https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3423755/

    https://ec.europa.eu/newsroom/sante/items/732079/en

    https://efsa.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.2903/j.efsa.2018.5088

    https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3354642/

    https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/substances/crystalline-silica

    https://bnfc.nice.org.uk/drugs/ferrous-fumarate/#side-effects

    https://www.cancer.org/cancer/risk-prevention/chemicals/formaldehyde.html

    https://food-detektiv.de/en/additives/?enummer=Hydroxypropyl%20methyl%20cellulose

    https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3423755/

  • Vitamin D, Vitamin K2 and Magnesium

    What is vitamin D?

    Vitamin D (calciferol) is a fat soluble vitamin that can be obtained from sunlight when it directly touches the skin. It doesn’t get absorbed when you’re indoors because of windows acting as barriers. Some people refer to vitamin D as the sunshine vitamin. However, it can also be found in certain foods or supplements. Foods such as salmon, sardines, mackerel, eggs, red meat and some fortified milks have vitamin D. First and foremost we should aim to obtain vitamin D from food and sunshine. In autumn and winter, supplementation should be considered, it’s advisable to speak to your doctor for advice regarding supplements.

    What is the function of vitamin D?

    The role of this important vitamin is to regulate calcium and phosphate in our bodies. Calcium can only be absorbed in the body when vitamin D is present. When the body is deficient in vitamin D, this can cause bone pain in adults and rickets in children. Vitamin D also regulates other cellular functions in the body. If you want to have strong bones, healthy teeth and muscles. Ensuring that you have sufficient vitamin D by incorporating it in your daily diet through food or sunshine should be a priority because it is such an essential nutrient.

    How does Vitamin K2 and Magnesium play a role?

    Vitamin D works well when two other vitamins are present. Your body needs Vitamin K2 and magnesium for bone metabolism; this means that the process of bone formation and bone resorption can be helped by both these vitamins. Thus, producing healthy bones. Vitamin K2 can improve the quality of bones and may aid in the reduction of fractures as well as enhance the effectiveness of vitamin D. Vitamin D advances the production of vitamin K-dependent proteins. The other key nutrient is magnesium. It plays a crucial role in muscle and bone health and has an influence on vitamin D by improving its metabolism. Basically, in some studies, it has been shown that the enzymes that synthesise and metabolise vitamin D are magnesium-dependent. Thus, because all the above-mentioned vitamins are needed for bone and muscle health, it is important to have the right amount of each. Below is the recommended daily dose for different age groups from the National Health Service (NHS).

    The NHS states that in autumn and winter vitamin D should be consumed in food. However, most people are unable to have sufficient levels of vitamin D from their diet alone, probably due to not eating the right foods as well as not having the adequate amounts needed to achieve the daily recommendations. Therefore, it is important to consider supplementation when the sun isn’t strong enough to make vitamin D in your skin. 

    Without further ado, the NHS recommends 10 micrograms of vitamin D a day for children over 4 years old and adults, babies and children under 4 years old 8.5 micrograms. Please see the link in the reference list for your own clarification and consult a doctor before taking any supplements. 

    How much Magnesium is needed?

    Magnesium is an essential mineral which can be obtained from food as well as supplements; the role of magnesium; the parathyroid glands produce hormones which are important for bone health. Magnesium helps these glands function properly, it also converts food into energy. In addition to this, magnesium helps maintain healthy nerves and muscles. The NHS states that too much consumption of magnesium can be harmful, so caution is advised. The recommended daily dose as per NHS guidelines are as follows;

    Ages 19-64

    Women need 270 mg of magnesium per day while men need 300mg per day. 

    Ages 18 and under

    According to the NHS children don’t need magnesium supplementation because they can get it from food, so if you’re worried about low magnesium levels, speak to a doctor as well as find clever ways of incorporating magnesium-rich foods into children’s diets. 

    Aim to get all your magnesium from your food: fruit (bananas, dried apricots, etc.), nuts (almonds, cashews and Brazil nuts), dark green leafy vegetables (spinach, chard, avocados, etc.).

    References

    https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/VitaminD-HealthProfessional/

    https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vitamins-and-minerals/vitamin-d/#:~:text=Vitamin%20D%20helps%20regulate%20the,condition%20called%20osteomalacia%20in%20adults.

    https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5613455/

    https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-030-57401-7_31

    https://www.londonosteoporosisclinic.com/what-happens-to-bones-as-we-age/

    https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/childrens-hospital/nutrition/magnesium-foods

    https://childrenshealthsurrey.nhs.uk/services/sleep/sleep-food-and-drink#:~:text=Children%20do%20not%20need%20any,them%20to%20children%20under%205.